And today I don’t know what to write about… I’ve been in front of the screen for more than 30 minutes, with my fingers on the keyboard, waiting for something in my mind to “click”, for an idea to slip through the noise of my thoughts and rescue me from this blockage. But it doesn’t come. Nothing. Just a great emptiness. I have some Germans who arrived last night who want to have breakfast at 6:30….
The truth is that this is the first time this has happened to me. I’ve always been able to get something out of nothing. A story, an anecdote, a random thought turned into words. But not today. Today is different.
Could it be that it’s over? 🤔 That there is nothing more to say? That the ideas have decided to abandon me, tired of being squeezed mercilessly? Or could it be, rather, that I have lost the will to write?
Possibly it’s a bit of everything?
My head is saturated, full of numbers, bills, worries. There is no room for stories when reality weighs so heavily. I can’t write about fantasy worlds when mine is slowly crumbling. I can’t build characters when I’m too busy trying not to lose myself.
The business. My business. The one that took me so much effort to build, that has been my refuge and my condemnation in equal parts. Surviving until Easter feels like an uphill marathon, with my feet full of wounds and my breath getting shorter and shorter. Every day becomes a struggle to find solutions that don’t seem to exist.
I do the math over and over again, but the numbers don’t lie. And it hurts. 💔
Because there is always something to pay, something to replace, something to fix. Last week, without going any further… bedspreads: 900 euros. 😓 Sets of sheets: 1,800 euros. Covers to protect the mattresses: 350 euros. Bed base covers: 300 euros. And I didn’t ask for anything special, just what is necessary to keep everything in working order.
And now it’s time to paint… and the price of paint is scary. Scary. Because I know that I will lose at least 2,000 euros, plus whatever it costs for someone to help me. Every little expense is one more stake in this coffin of worries that holds me prisoner.
And then, I stop.
Because what other choice do I have?
I take a deep breath, trying to stifle the anguish that tightens my chest. I look around me. Everything is still standing. The business is still going on. In spite of everything. Despite the numbers in the red. Despite the exhaustion. Despite the fact that there are days when I wonder if it’s worth all the effort.
Because even though I feel defeated today, I know it’s not the first time. And I know it won’t be the last. There are always days like this. Gray days. Days when the weight of the world is too much. But I also know that after the storm comes the calm.
Maybe today I have no ideas for writing, but I have something more important: the courage to keep going. 💪 Because writing is not only filling blank pages, it is also learning to listen to the silences. And if today my mind is blank, maybe it is because it is busy surviving.
Tomorrow, perhaps, the words will come back on their own. Or maybe they won’t. But what I do know is that, as long as I’m still here, as long as I’m still fighting, there is still a story to tell.
Because even on the darkest of days, there is always room for a ray of light. 🌅✨
I hope you liked this more detailed version. It is a text that reflects exhaustion, but also hope. If you want me to adjust something or approach it differently, let me know and I’ll be happy to do it. 😊😂
From MasTorrencito we wish you a good day and may your dogs be with you!!!!
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